Finally the Bride - Cheryl McKay

 Finally the Bride - Cheryl McKay

Chapter One: Introducing the Impatient One

"I want you to see that you are absolutely okay, that God cares about your love life and your heart, and that you can have a strong sense of what you are supposed to do with yourself while you wait. Oh, and did I mention the best thing you can do while waiting is fall in love with God?"

"Falling in love with God is much like enlisting in Marriage Boot Camp. Now, I am not suggesting you sign up for this Boot Camp because I think you need a lot more preparation before you're worthy of love and marriage. However, if you're like me, you have nothing better to do while waiting for that "in the flesh" husband to arrive."

"You might as well make the most of the time and learn all you can from being in a true love relationship with God. He's the One you're going to want to still be in love with even after you get married. Maybe we'll need God's hel to still love and accept our husbands when they leave dirty boxers strewn on the floor!"

"I've felt God has spoken directly to me. I do believe God still speaks today. I believe His heart's desire is to be involved in our lives. If He didn't speak or reach out to us in tangible ways, how could we be in the love relationship with Him that He says He craves with us in His Word?"

"I'll also show you some words I feel God spoke back to me, to encourage my spirit during times of despair or when I needed a reality check, a reminder that life isn't all about me or my future mate!"

 Chapter Two: Seriously! Why Would God Care About My Love Life?

"Lord, why am I still alone? Silence. That is not rhetorical and yet, every time I ask, You are noticeably silent." 

"My tender Cheryl, let Me love you for a while. Make Me enough. Your love is coming. He is coming. Put it aside for now and wait on Me. You will watch my faithfulness unfold. You have plenty to focus on right now. It will sneak up on you when you least expect it. Lay it all down. I have given you plenty of tasks. Focus on those. Let Me pave the way for your love story. You don't need to do anything. Let Me write your love story. Let Me be the Author."

"What's this about how it will sneak up on me when I least expect it? Seriously! Don't even get me started on that comment! I expected it a long time ago. (I am a relentless hoper.) That's when the metaphors began: God as a scriptwriter, God's script pages, God's storyline, God's mystery casting, God's special pen. The pen I occasionally want to snatch back when He isn't writing fast enough or when He writes words I'd rather edit out like "wait" and "delay" and "not now, My impatient one."

"God employs a method of confirmation called "God Winks." A God Wink is a moment when you feel, without a doubt, that God spoke to you or confirmed something in a tangible way, ofthen through something others may consider just a coincidence."

"After the servant left on his trip in search of this "mystery wife" for Isaac, he did the right thing: he prayed. "Then he prayed, 'Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham." (Genesis 24:12.) He asked God to give him a specific sign about whom the right woman was. He requested that when he asked for water, the right girl would offer water to him and his camels. This would be his signal (or God Wink). I love how verse 15 mentions before he finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. I don't know about you, but God doesn't usually answer my prayers before I'm done praying them. When the servant asked for a drink, she gave it to him. Then, she volunteered to get water for his camels, too. (Genesis 24:!9). Ding, ding, ding. Signal. God Wink."

"When God matches it up, it's easy to tell, especially when the right time arrives."

"He credited God for leading him down the right path. (Genesis 24:23-51). Isn't that interesting? We want the right love story, don't we? We don't want to be misled. We don't want detours or wrong turns. We want the one who is right, God's chosen. I love to see how in God's Word, He made it clear that He can write love stories. The precedent was set long ago. Rebekah's family didn't argue with the servant. THey believed this love story was God-written and the union of Rebekah and Isaac was God's will. I realize that doesn't exactly sound like passionate romance. Personally, if I were able to walk into a relationship that I had no doubt God had set up, I believe true love would follow."

"Rebekah's response to the call was simple: "I will go," (Genesis 24:58b). Sight unseen. (I have to wonder what she was thinking at that moment!) I love how Rebekah was enjoying a normal day when God's next purpose for her life arrived. It's likely she didn't see it coming. Her life changed in moments, just like ours can. One day, we feel like we're caught in the mundane routine of life, and the next day, God's destiny shows up and changes everything. (Hmmm. Destiny anyone? God? Are you listening? Next day service would be nice.) Toward the end of Genesis 24, Isaac sees Rebekah for the first time. Their eyes connect; their love story begins."

"Just keep the pen in God's hands." 

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Surrendering the Pen to God "Cheryl's prayer: There must be a reason, Lord, that You want me alone. You must be shaping me for something. I'll be honest. I'm sick of it, but as I always say, You know best. I know it will be special when You, my Lord, finally bless me with marriage and a family. My future is in YOur hands. Lord, I don;t know where it's headed, but I'd like for You to use me for Your sake and glory. 

God's reply: Trust in Me. Take it day by day. Trust that I know what I'm doing. Be patient. Place your sefcurity in Me, not in others. Know who you are, firmly ground in Me first. Then you are free to share your life with someone else. It's a gift. I am the Creator of love. I don't always work in ways expected. Stay open. Receive from Me what I have for you.

Cheryl's prayer: It's not worth accepting a gift from You, God, if I lose You and me in that gift.

God's reply: Your desire is a natural desire. Yet, like everything else, it must fall into place by My timing, not yours."

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"I know God cares. i know God is at work, even if I can't see it. God is at work in your life, too." 

"There are some people, I realize, who may not be called to marriage. I can't say with certainty that every person who wants to be married will be. Only God knows what He intends for each of us. That's one reason I encourage you to seek confirmation and keep a record of what God reveals about this question."

"Maybe you don't feel like you are to remain single. If that's the case, as you read this book, actively liet God take over this part of your life. It is an action. Surrender is a daily act and decision. Let God write your love story. No matter how tempting it gets, don't wrestle the pen back or try to borrow it for a few minutes to pen your own storyline!"

"God is the director; I am the script supervisor. I can track what He's doing, in my journals and in books. I am not the writer. I need to be prepared, by His side, waiting for the love story He will write and direct. If I'm too distracted by my own interests and the wrong men, I'll be in the wrong place when He wants to call "action" and unfold my true love story."

"I firmly believe, if God has marriage in mind for you, that He wants to write your love story, too. It all starts with the first step: surrendering the pen. Will you surrender that pen, wait by His side, and see what story will unfold before your eyes?"

What Does it Mean to Surrender the Pen to God?

1. I must surrender control to God.
2. God doesn't want me fantasizing about what He is writing.
3. He doesn't want my continuous suggestions.
4. He doesn't want me to go off script.
5. God wants to keep that pen, and He doesn't want me to try to grab it back every time I fear He might not write what I want. (No tug-of-war games!).
6. He doesn't want me to try to influence what He's writing each time I meet a new guy.
7. It means I become a player in God's story. I am the actress; He is the writer, director, and executive producer.
8. Surrender means trusting HIm.

Chapter Three: Just How Good of a Writer is God? (Doesn't He Need My Suggestions?)

"I have written my list, but He now has custody of the pen and can make His own edits, revisions, insertions, and deletions."

"If we delight in God, which implies we have a close relationship with Him (enjoying His company, finding joy in that relationship). then I believe He will put the right desires in our hearts. We have a tendency to develop desires that are not best for us. As we grow closer to God, what we desire is more likely to line up with what He wants for us because He helps us hunger for the right things. Those are the desires He tends to fulfill. Yet, it's still in His timing, not ours, even when we desire the right things."

"The more time I spend in communication with God, the easier it is for my desires to line up with His will,"

"prayerfully write a list. Now, you're not taking over the pen from God. I want you to pray that He reveal to you the qualities you should be looking for in a mate. You can use this when other guys show up to distract you from the love story God is writing. When one of those comes along and he doesn't match what you feel God has for you, pray that God will show you if the guy is a counterfeit. You don't want to waste your time and your heart on the wrong man, do you? Come up with everything you think is important to find in a mate. Perhaps it's more accurate to say everything you hope God brings to you in a mate. Also, pinpoint what you don't want. Once you finish your list, ask God to help you with it. Where does it need rewriting? Where does your appetite need adjusting? As God if there's anythign you desire that is off. Also, show it to a trusted mentor or two and ask them if the list is reasonable or superficial, and allow them to hold you accountable if Mr. Wrong shows up." 

 Cherly's list Prayerfully ask God of this list.

1.  A man who’s strong in the Lord, has a sincere commitment to Christ, and loves God first above everything else, who can be a spritual head of the household.
2. A man open to the Holy Spirit, prophecy, and who won’t think I’m crazy because I believe God still speaks today.
3. A man who has a sincere heart toward me, and who will love me unconditionally as I am - an yet inspire me to be a better person.
4. A man who’s responsible.
5. A man who’s attractive to me.
6. A man who will make a great father and wants to be one.
7. A man who’s affectionate, loving, and kind.
8. A man who is a good communicator - both listening and speaking - and is curious enough to ask me questions to find out who I am.
9. A man who will make family a priority, second only to God.
10. A man with a sense of humor, a playful kid at heart

"I don't think there's anything wrong with making requests known to God. I also think we need to be open to Him changing our desires. I welcome that because I genuinely don't want to desire something or someone God doesn't want for me. I'm not saying I've written perfect lists or that even within these points I've listed that I won't have to find places to compromise. I know I can't compromise on the man's commitment to God, his desire to hear God's voice, and his openness to the Holy Spirit. I know women who are with men who are believers but still feel "unequally yoked" because they do not have the same beliefs about God. I want this important part of my life to be in sync with the person I am to spend the rest of my life with. I can't imagine this wouldn't be God's heart."

"Trust God to lead you and protect you. If you ask God to write your love story, let Him write it. Be open to whoever He may ask you to be open to, including a guy who doesn't completely match your list. Just make sure the compromises you make are ones God is truly asking you to make and that it's not just your impatience kicking in. Especially be wary as your age creeps up. You may be tempted to say "yes" to the wrong person because you don't want to wait any longer."

"God is an amazing writer. I declare this with confidence because I've watched the writing He ahs done in the non-love-story part of my life. He's allowed me to live in many stories, playing important roles. In these, He's proven what a dynamite writer He is." Recall all the stories that God wrote in your life. Do you remember how you overcame your spritual attacks and how you were set free? Story of how you got into college, how you became a teacher, how you were set free, how He has provided financially, a house, etc. Recall all that.

"It showed me how much God cares about details. It's like He has my life planned out, if only I'll follow the script He puts before me. Sometimes I go off-script and my freewill gets in His way."

"God is an amazing writer, especially when we just let Him write - when we don't wrestle Him to the ground trying to get our pens back."

"Have things happened to you that only God could have orchestrated? Has God found ways to use the drama, conflict and challenges of your life, much like characters in a movie go through? Embrace God's wriitng hand. While you're waiting for Him to write one area of your life, pay attention to other areas and try to discern what He's writing. Use this to build your faith. Write them down in journals. Write out His setups and payoffs, His themes and story crafting. Pinpointing the way God crafted the professional writing side of my life has built my faith that He's at work in the love story side, too."

"In Psalm 23:1 (kjv), David declaires, "The Lord is my SHepherd, I shall not want." If there's an area in your life where you are "in want," you need to submit it to God and allow Him to be the shpherd of it. We shouldn't want more than God Himself. Iw ish that were easier, though."

"God won't give us what we want if it will become a spiritual stumbling block to us. I believe God wants to give us our desires that line up with His will even more than we want them, but He won't until He can trust us to keep Him first. After all, He is the star of our stories, not us. He doesn't want to create a wedge between us." 

Cheryl's Journal "Father, I know you are watching over me. I want to be in Your will for my love life. Keep writing. Perhaps You've demanded a rewrite because there's one character out there who won't play out his role the way You desire. That's okay. I'm willing to pick up a new script, read new lines, embrace new plot twists. I'm yours. Write the script, and I'll play the role. Put me with a man whose life purpose can be fulfilled through me and vice versa. Put me with one who will follow You where You want him to go, and choose me for the journey. Lead and guide me always. Help me see, know, and discern Your will. Guide me rightly with a spirit of truth. Not deception. Walk with me through all of this and keep holding my hand. Don't let go.

 Chapter Four: I Must Be Defective

"There is nothing wrong with you! Again, I repeat: There is nothing wrong with you! Did you hear me? Keep reading that sentence until you believe me."

"Have you ever wondered if you're still single because of what you look like? If so, you are not alone."

"Just don't look at your appearance as the reason you are single."

"Embrace who you are in Christ, including how the Lord made you look. Trust that God will bring someone to you who sees you as the beauty you are, the same beauty God sees."

"If I'd used up those years dating, what would I have to show for it? A few more heartbreaks. Instead, God used that time to train me for His purposes for my life."

"Is there anything from your past that you feel you should heal from before you start a marriage?"

"Ask yourself if there is anything you need to deal with now that would benefit your marriage later. Work on those issues first."

"God wanted to complete that work Himself first. He was the potter; I was the unwitting clay."

Cheryl's Journal "Is stuff on hold in my life because of something I lack? If so, what, Lord? How perfect do I have to be to have love in my life and a husband? It's hard for me to imagine being my age, with my birthday in a week, and I'm still not "good" enough or ready enough. There are many "less ready" people who are married. Why do I feel I have to arrive at this unobtainable place of perfection before this can happen? I guess in my life, I just don't see others having to be so perfect to find love. It's hard for me to believe I'm not judged "worthy" of love yet.

"Is God waiting for us to reach perfection before He'll bless us with a husband? I wondered about God's competence at the marriage prep table if He couldn't manage to get me ready after all this time. Then I questioned His judgment. If my future mate and I are not together yet because of my husband's preparation taking this long, then why did God choose that person? Why not choose someone who would be ready close to when I was? I felt like God told me in 2004 I was finally healed and ready. Why tell me that and then still not deliever? I was trying to reason this out and understand God - who, incidentally, has no interest in being understood. Just read the Book of Job!"

"I believe when God makes us wait, it's often about timing. Yet, God can continue to work in us to prepare us for the best chance at having successful marriages."

"It's true, some of us can be so obsessed with the desire to be married that it forces God to wait until marriage is not an idol."

"I felt God say He would not dull this ache, this desire to be loved, chosen, and treasured by someone. Why? My ache over one person not choosing me yet gives me understanding for how God feels. He aches over every person who doesn't love, choose, and treasure Him. Lest we think God doesn't understand how we feel, He has to face this same pain exponentially more than we do. I felt like He asked me if it would be appropriate for Him to dull His own pain over those who reject Him, just so He wouldn't have to feel the pain. Naturally, that didn't make sense. Of course, He feels it! He chooses to allow me to feel the same pain over the one who's "missing."

"God also made it clear that the pain He allows fuels my calling, my writing. I couldn't write this book from a place of understanding if God had dulled my pain. I couldn't write scripts and books that touch hearts if I didn't feel the way my characters feel. He's chosen this for me on purpose. I just have to decide if I will let Him use me in my pain or grow bitter that He hasn't given me my husband, yet. When God called Jesus to do His will, that calling was extraordinarily painful. So, I should not be surprised God's call for me also includes pain. Instead, I should be honored that He's willing to use me, a broken vessel, to help others, even if it means being lonely much longer than I ever imagined or would have willfully chosen. Sometimes, I moan, "Seriously, God! Did You have to choose me as the poster child for the single-and-waiting-on-God girl?" Are you willing to ask God why He's chosen this path for you? Are you open to letting Him use you in it?"

Cheryl's Journal "Why is this such a hard promise to fullfill? What is the big deal? Why is it so much easier for everyone else to find love? Some who didn't even have to ache for it. I guess since I have zero control over this, all I can do is beg God to move. He is the One who asked for the pen of control over my love story. He has it; I don't. I've done nothing to try to create a situation. I've sat and waited but still been open, watchful. So, Father God, please write. How do You want me to position myself while waiting? I already told YOu to keep whoever this man is until he's ready. Why can't You get him to cooperate wiht You? You are the most powerful God ever,t he supreme being of this universe. Can't You get just ONE GUY to love me? You know this is the position I have been in my entire life. Unloved. Unknonw. Not chosen. Can't You write the line that says this guy finallyw ants to spend time with me?"

"I've weathered moments of doubt where I wonder, Am I crazy? Why do I believe God is writing me a love story? Am I waiting fo rnothing? Usually, I come back to a place of faith, a place where I believe wholeheartedly God is taking good care of this for me. Most of His work is behind the scenes, out of view. God doesn't often take me into His story meetings to let me know what He's up to."

"I want us to see rejection as a gift from God, not Satan's attack against our lovability. God allows rejections from the wrong guys. He doesn't want us with them, especially not if we've asked God to write our love stoires. I often ask God to blind every man to me who isn't the right guy. Then I find myself offended when no one ever likes me! I feel overlooked, undesirable. (Sounds like God can't win with me, doesn't it?) I don't want the wrong man showing me attention, so I won't be tempted to go the wrong direction if he is not God's chosen."

"I have to face that singleness right now is God's choice, not mine. It's not because I'm defective. It's not because I'm unlovable, unworthy, not pretty or blonde enough. It's because for whatever reason, God has decided it's not time yet. I can use this time wisely, for the lord, doing what He needs me to do. I can improve myself in natural ways where I honestly need it. I can combat lies I've been fed - internally, by the enemy, or by others. I can choose to stand on who I am in Christ, and trust that when the time comes, God will deliver on this promise of the gift of love."

Cheryl's Journal "Cheryl's prayer: Lord, why am I still waiting? Where are these promises?

God's reply: Trust me. I have your best interests at heart. I will not leave you empty. I take your heart, restore it, and give it back. It's yours to offer with sincerity and grace. Be ready. Keep your eyes open. Keep watch. Stand on My promises. It is not a question of your lovability. It is My thwarting to not allow love to begin until it's the one that will last. The one who will love you the way I wnat you to beloved, and treasure you the way I want you to be treasured. Do you want a gift before it's wrapped? Before it's paid for?

  Chapter Five: Marriage Boot Camp: How Loving God is Similar to Loving a Husband.

"There are many parallels between a relationship with a husband on earth and our love relationship with God."

"Rather than seeing this time when God leaves us stranded - oops, I mean single - as a waste of time, we should use this season to practice principles vital to successful, godly marriages under God's guidance. If this helps us be better wives later, we have everything to gain. The fact that God is working on us should bring hope. God wouldn't waste His time on us if we weren;t worth the effort. We are worth every moment of His time. In case you haven't heard, marriage can be difficult. Take this intimate season with God - when He has you to Himself - and dont'w aste a moment of it! Because when it's over, it's over. I feel certain I will miss it."  

"Please remember: you are not defective! Being in a prep season doesn't mean you are."

"God asks me to love Him unconditionally, even when He doesn't do or say what I want or what I think I need. Being in a love relationship with God is great practice for being in a relationship with a spouse."